


Junk Mail

by BekahRose



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-26
Updated: 2011-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-15 02:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/156085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BekahRose/pseuds/BekahRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto sometimes really wishes they didn't have computer access within the Hub.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Junk Mail

His computer ‘pinged’ and he looked at the screen.

“You’ve got mail!” the screen declared a little too cheerfully for Ianto’s taste. He was tired, sore and his second favourite suit, the one with the deep purple pinstripe had fallen victim to what he could only call prehistoric bird shit and there was no way on God’s green Earth was he explaining that to the dry cleaner, so it he had tossed it into the incinerator along with the latest dead alien to fall through the rift. He clicked on the mail icon and waited while his inbox loaded.

Without really paying attention to what he was doing, Ianto opened the email and instantly regretted it.

[To: I.Jones@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Sender: StarCaptain6969@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Subject: FWD: LOVE HER LONGER!]

 _“Ianto: I was thinking we should order some of these, what do you think? – J”_

Oh God, he was going to kill Jack – and quite possibly Owen – and then he was going to wait for them to come back around, tell Tosh what they’d done, and then watch as she killed them both again. As to the logistics of Owen’s death and resurrection being a little impossible – at least on the resurrection front – well, they’d just have to find a way.

[To: StarCaptain6969@torchwood.co.uk ; DoctorLurve@torchwood.co.uk]  
[From: Good Times (Good_Times4U@horekneegoatweed.net)]  
[Subject: LOVE HER LONGER!]

He clicked the delete button without reading the rest of the email and shot a glare up towards Jack’s office. Pushing back from the desk, he stomped up to the kitchen and started up the coffee machine; his foul mood was only exacerbated by the fact that whatever Jack and Owen had been dicking about with whilst online, had led to the internal email system being compromised, making it possible for spam to get through. Tosh was going to be pissed when she found out, and the thought of an irate Toshiko made Ianto’s lips twitch up into a tiny little smile. He finished making the coffee and silently made his way through the Hub, delivering everyone their afternoon pick-me-ups… except for Owen and Jack, who would be drinking decaf. As he set Jack’s cup down on the edge of the desk in the Captain’s very empty office, he couldn’t help but feel a little smug. “Little blue pills, indeed.” He muttered before heading back to his own desk.

He’d not been sitting there for five minutes, organising some of the data for the archives, when his computer pinged once more and the email icon popped up, declaring that he had yet more mail. Cautiously, he clicked on the mail icon and growled as he scanned the header.

[To: I.Jones@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Sender: StarCaptain6969@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Subject: FWD: FWD: LOVE HER LONGER!]

 _“Ianto: Did you get that last email? We should look at getting some – J”_

Ianto grit his teeth and hit the reply button.

[To: StarCaptain6969@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Sender: I.Jones@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Subject: Re: FWD: FWD: LOVE HER LONGER!]

 _“Jack: It is flattering you would like my opinion on the matter, but I believe it would be better for you if you discussed this with your doctor as he seems much more in a position to discuss this with you, rather than your employee, – I. Jones.”_

Ianto hit the send button, and, after a few minutes, felt quite satisfied at the indignant squawk that echoed down from Jack’s office. Ignoring the curious stare from Gwen and Tosh’s raised eyebrow, Ianto returned to the spread sheet he’d been working on before Jack’s second email had interrupted him. It was several minutes before a triumphant ‘Ha!’ echoed down to them and Ianto’s computer pinged and once again told him that he had mail. Clicking on the icon, he rolled his eyes before reading the new email.

[To: I.Jones@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Sender: StarCaptain6969@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Subject: Re: Re: FWD: FWD: LOVE HER LONGER!]

 _“Ianto: My Doctor???? – J.”_

Ianto chuckled; a tiny little evil chuckle if the looks he received from Tosh and Gwen were anything to go by, and hit reply.

[To: StarCaptain6969@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Sender: I.Jones@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Subject: Re: Re: Re: FWD: FWD: LOVE HER LONGER!]

 _“Jack: Look at who the original email was addressed to. And don’t even get me started on your choice of email address, – I. Jones.”_

“Ianto, is everything all right?” Tosh asked from her desk, swivelling on the chair to get a good look at the younger man.

He nodded and offered a small smile. “I’m fine, really Tosh. It’s not the first time I’ve not been quick enough to duck out of the way when Myfanwy needs to relieve herself. Really wish it hadn’t been while I was wearing that suit, but,” he said, shrugging in a ‘what can you do?’ kind of way.

She nodded and turned back to her desk just as Ianto’s computer pinged again. Biting his lip to keep from laughing, he opened up the new email.

[To: I.Jones@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Sender: StarCaptain6969@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: FWD: FWD: LOVE HER LONGER!]

 _“Ianto: I wonder why Owen’s ordering them… do you think he’ll give us some? Would save ordering it ourselves, – J.”_

Jack was going on decaf for the next three months if he thought Ianto was going to even contemplate purchasing some drug designed to keep them at it like rabbits, that probably wasn’t even NHS or WHO approved. He hit the reply button again.

[To: StarCaptain6969@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Sender: I.Jones@torchwood.co.uk]  
[Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: FWD: FWD: LOVE HER LONGER!]

 _“Jack: You can order as much of it as you like. I understand that a man of your age might find it… hard… keeping up with us Gen Y folks – which leads me to wonder if you aren’t better suited to someone of a similar age, rather than the strapping 26 year old you’ve been seen out and about town with. That being said, if you do proceed to purchase the items in question, you will need to find a new guinea pig to test their affects. I believe Owen may be after a fellow guinea pig as well. Good luck and best of wishes, - I. Jones.”_

Ianto smirked, saved the work he’d been doing on the archives database and shut down his computer. He was definitely looking forward to a night at home; he could have another shower, put his feet up, order in a curry and bliss out in front of the telly for a few hours. He’d just gathered his things – car keys, wallet and raincoat – when Jack stormed to the door of his office and glared at Ianto.

“You turned your computer off.” He said, his arms folded across his chest.

“I did,” Ianto nodded, watching Jack closely. When the man said nothing further, Ianto slipped into his coat and raised his eyebrows. “Right then, I’m going home. See you later?” He asked, tilting his heads towards Jack with a look that clearly said, ‘unless you’re serious about those pills, in which case, don’t bother.’

As Ianto opened the cog door, Jack called out. “It was for pure scientific research purposes only! It could be alien!”

Ianto turned around then, a small smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. “And it could be decaf in your coffee.” The last thing he saw was Jack’s look of horror as he ran back into his office to check his coffee as the cog door rolled shut.

*

The door to the flat opened and shut with a soft click, heavy boots made a gentle thudding sound as Jack took them off and lined them up next to Ianto’s trainers. He made his way silently over to the sofa, watching as Ianto took a long drink from the bottle of beer in his hand. It was nearly half-nine, he’d meant to be here earlier, but a weevil, followed by a series of strange lights over Cardiff Castle had kept him at Torchwood longer than he’d liked.

“It… it wasn’t really decaf in my coffee, was it?” He asked, noting the way Ianto’s lips quirked into a tiny smirk.

Ianto shrugged. “Seeing as you’re here, I take it you didn’t get the pills then?” He nodded when Jack shook his head. “Well then, I guess now we’ll never know.”


End file.
